You Don’t Get It And That’s Great
We have no clue where we are and what we are. Scientists might tell you that we’re in ‘the universe’ which started with a big bang, but we can never know for sure. Even if what scientists claim is true, where is this universe?
On the other hand, religious people might tell you that this is created by a higher power and He will punish or bless you. Also, very hard to verify.
I’ve spent a lot of time on both sides: science and religion. Nothing could satisfy my hunger for the truth.
Why is it important?
We want to make sense of everything that is happening around us. We want to make sense of the (hurtful) things that happened to us or might happen in the future. It’s a healthy human desire to want to make sense.
However, when we look at other people for the answers, we miss the opportunity of defining things for ourselves. I wrote about how most of your thoughts aren’t even yours.
What do YOU think is this place we are at? What do YOU think is a human? And most importantly, what do you think you ARE? If you have your own answers to these questions, you will know deep inside what to be and do at every step of your life.
You get to decide how you view life. You get to decide what values you want to make yours and what traditions you want to ditch.
I’m learning to love the fact that things are illogical. I’m trying to let go of making sense of everything. Finding out WHY everything happened was a fun and necessary investigation but it kept me from actually living life. It felt like analyzing the playground and never going on the swings.
Now, I don’t obsess about WHAT all of this is. I also don’t approach it with my mind. I try not to look at the world through my mind but through my body.
The body knows what to do. It just wants to go on the swings. It just wants to do things here on this planet. It doesn’t want you to waste your time ‘describing’ all the fun things at the playground.
I’m a big fan of meditation and contemplation. I used to meditate to learn where and what I am. Now I contemplate to just be in awe.
I believe in a higher power. A Source. Not because it makes sense. I believe it because I notice the presence when I am really quiet and observing. Still, my rational mind can’t make any sense of all this. It can’t combine the physical world with the Source that created it.
So, existence is so weird to me but I learned to love it. I used to want to make sense of it because I’ve been through some pain. If I could make sense of existence, I could ‘reward’ myself for my suffering. But I couldn’t. I just found help for my suffering until I wasn’t suffering so much anymore. Also, I threw away a lot of my viewpoints so I could look at the world unbiased.
Only then, existence wasn’t about making sense anymore. It wasn’t about putting a silver lining around my pain. As I looked at the world without pain and suffering, I started to see more things. I started to see the world, and Source, independent from my pain. I could see them for what they are. They still don’t make sense in the grand scheme of things but they are there and I enjoy it.
When we are healed, we look at things as they are instead of how we NEED them to be. The difficult thing while healing is that we have to come to terms with things not making sense. That is what sometimes keeps us from healing.
But once we are healed, we can see so much more. Accepting that things don’t have to make sense is such a superpower. It also requires you to let go of control. Do you know what happens when you let go of control? You live. You finally live instead of just doing chores here on this planet.
So, the moment you are not trying to make sense of everything, you are probably very far in your healing journey. You are probably very far in your ‘seeing things for their inherent beauty’ journey.
You don’t get it. And that’s great.